you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
