is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
