The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
