So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
