Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
