Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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