I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if only i could text you this smell
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
