i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize