Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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