I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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