i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
organizing the empties. That sober.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize