um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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