after a month anything with tits is on the radar
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
