dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
