Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He has the fingertips of a God
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