I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
two words: eviction party
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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