I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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