her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
