A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
