How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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