i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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