Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
