he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
