just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
