sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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