Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
