The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
whose parrot is this?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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