it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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