I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
