this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
