I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize