Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
