There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
