At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
