Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
