my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
bring money and cleavage
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
