My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
