i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
