someone get that fucking seahorse.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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