In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
