she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if only i could text you this smell
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
