Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
