I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if only i could text you this smell
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
