he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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