I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
