he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
