is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
