just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
