Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
