why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
