He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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