I'm really into asian looking animals
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
