my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
