I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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