At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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