So drunk its hurt
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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