My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
