Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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