I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i drank out of a bidet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
