You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
