As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
