eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
