I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
