my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
