I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
